I am the Hair Lady

I am grooming everyone, it would seem!  This is the pup in the shower after a particularly muddy romp.  The thing is, she needs so much bathing that I no longer give her baths per se.  We take a shower together three times per week.  It's just easier that way.

Pre-pandemic, I enjoyed my time at the pool because I could shower and sauna there.  On days I showered at home, I would clean the shower stall and wipe down the sink.  I'd finish my shower, then spray the walls with vinegar and water, sponge, then squeegee.  It was a hassle, but totally necessary.

Now I'm showering at home daily, and days I'm not cleaning the shower, I am washing the dog.  Doing this three times per week is quite a commitment.   First, I need to empty the stall of anything that can be knocked over.  Then I prepare her shampoo.  She's learned to go into the bathroom and right into the stall -- sulking the entire time.  We both get under the water, then I wash my hair and shave.  It's sorta like being on an airplane where they tell you to put on your mask first.

When it comes to bathing her, I dilute her shampoo in a ketchup dispenser (you know, the red plastic kind).  I get her good and wet, then lather her up.  In order to be effective, it needs to sit in ten minutes.  This means I scrub her, we bump into the walls a lot, then she hides her head in the corner.  The whole thing is pretty tough on my back.  Once she's lathered up, I condition my hair and scrub her some more.  Every other bath, I use Head and Shoulders conditioner on her coat.

Rinsing off is not so bad, but then I have to get out of the shower without letting her bolt out.  I put my hair in a towel and pat myself dry.  Then I have to carefully blot as much water as I can off of her.  I squeeze and wipe as much as I can before she gets out.  When it's all said and done, we share two towels plus one more.  There is water everywhere.

The fun does not stop there, as I then have to get her on a lead and secure her to the hallway railing.  This is done naked until I can grab a bathrobe.  I use the cut off end of a pair of sweats to hold her ears in place (and block noise), then start the arduous task of blowing out her coat.  I bought a blower that set me back $50, but it is totally worth it.    Once I blow all the moisture I can using a cold setting, I put on the heat.  Once she is reasonably dry, I get her up on our bed and take off her head band.  I then use a low powered heated brush to dry her ears and around her ruff. It doesn't take long to comb her out as most loose hair has been washed and blown away.

Once all that is done, I have to mop up the copious amounts of water on the bathroom floor.  Then I wash the towels and the sheet we use to cover the bed.  I wash that cover at least three to four times per week.  On days I don't wash it, I tumble it on a high heat.  All this is done (along with the thrice weekly shampoos), to keep on top of the skin mites she can't fight on her own.  There is generally a real need to vacuum after all this if I've clipped her too.

I do clip her hair before most shampoos.  Keeping her coat short is very important.  I'm not that good at it yet, but we get by.  In fact, now that TBG can't go to the barber, he's ask me to clip his hair.  I think the world is now full of men with less than perfect haircuts.  It's likely that I'm not the only wife that is now cutting her mate's hair.  Maybe I should make it more fun and insist he take a shower with me afterwards?